WE ARE NOT BROKEN

And we are not perfect either.

I was asked the other day when being interviewed for the morning news if the focus on mental health wasn't going too far and we needed to learn how to be more resilient. I mentioned that breaking down and taking care of our mental health by taking time to recover is not the same as focusing on the power of mental health every single day. As you have heard me say before, we all have mental health 24/7, 365 days a year; how we take care of it by protecting it is also how we get to harness it. That's the key to resilience. Ignoring it isn't.

HAVE WE GONE SOFT?

I get it; we are living in a time where vulnerability means sharing our struggles on social media, having it together is out, and being real is in. I applaud that we no longer have to hide. However, I think we need to recognize that facing challenges doesn't mean we are broken. We are not either broken or having it together. There's a whole messy middle called life that happens every single day. It's never going to be perfect except in micro-moments where we pause to take in our small and large daily accomplishments with gratitude for having managed it.

Life is not about fixing ourselves. It's about growing ourselves.

The point with vulnerability isn't that we are broken and need to be fixed. When we are sharing our struggles, it doesn't mean we can't figure it out; it's that we are being honest about the fact that life never stops challenging us to grow. It’s uncomfortable in that zone of uncertainty, so we share it to feel supported. Feeling that someone cares about us, is willing to listen, and cheers on us through the challenge makes a difference. We can feel more resilient when someone has our back, and we don’t feel alone when we go through the messy middle of uncertainty. The reality is that we know what we need to do to grow through it; it’s the assurance that it matters we need. 

SELF-CARE FOR REAL LIFE

If we listen inside to our thoughts, there's a chance it’s a big mixed mess of questions about why something isn’t working out. Sometimes we get stuck in self-doubt because we think we have to know what to do rather than trusting ourselves that we can figure it out. Challenging the need to be certain helps face uncertainty. Uncertainty is part of our everyday lives. Being willing not to know, –– that's resilience too.

We turn to others to be cheered on. We share on social media to know we are not alone. We want someone to say, "You can do it; keep going!"

And you can –– you can keep growing through adversity; there's nothing wrong with you; you are not broken even if it feels like it from time to time; we pick up the pieces and glue life back together, over and over again.

We might think we need others to fix us, but we don't. Think about a broken bone. The doctor puts it back in its right place, but the bone heals itself. In the same way, if we can put our minds in the right place, our hearts and souls will heal too.

Start with this thought: “I'm not broken. I'm growing through adversity, and it's uncomfortable, but it is possible.” And then ask: “What do I need so I feel just a little more ....... while I do so?”

Add in your own words. It could be:

safe
courageous
confident
loved
comfortable
at ease
able
willing
strong
agile

You can check out the C.A.R.E. framework that I teach in The Self-Care Mindset® to help you learn these tools in more detail.