Is Anxiety Hijacking Your Mind?
How can we stop anxiety from stealing our mental clarity and authentic voice?
Do you notice how anxiety silently hijacks not just your thoughts, but your entire way of communicating? Like an invisible current, it pulls conversations into a predictable pattern that feels familiar yet leaves us strangely disconnected.
I've been watching it happen everywhere lately: one person shares a worry, then suddenly everyone jumps in with "Me too!" stories, creating what seems like a connection but actually traps us in parallel anxiety monologues. We think we're connecting, but we're actually just validating each other's fears rather than creating space for genuine understanding and new possibilities.
What if these anxiety loops are costing us the very wisdom and connection we're actually seeking? I've been reflecting on this powerful pattern and would like to share some insights that may help you transform these exhausting cycles into opportunities for genuine growth and meaningful connection.
When Anxiety Takes the Microphone
It starts subtly. A worry creeps in. Then another. Soon, your mind is racing with scenarios, most of which will never happen; however, I do want to validate you for caring. However, before you know it, your conversations become a one-way broadcast of your anxieties:
You catch yourself jumping in mid-sentence with, "Oh my gosh, that reminds me of my situation..." before others can finish their thought
No matter where the chat starts, somehow it always finds its way back to that thing keeping you up at night
Your vocabulary becomes peppered with “why not this and why not that” questions and "I don't know what to do..." on repeat, like a broken record
You can feel the subtle shift in the room - maybe it's the way people's eyes glaze over or how they check their phones more often - but you're too caught in the anxiety spiral to switch gears
This cycle is exhausting – not just for others, but especially for you. Your attention becomes so hijacked that genuine listening becomes impossible. The irony? The very connections that could help ground you become casualties of anxiety's relentless grip.
Anxiety to Action: A Lesson from My Father
One of my most powerful memories from childhood illuminates how we can transform anxiety into constructive action. I shared this story in my TEDx talk because it so perfectly captures the shift we need to make.
When I was young, my father could always tell when anxiety had me spinning in circles. I'd pace around the house, voice rising as I listed all the terrible "what-ifs" that might happen. Rather than dismissing my fears or jumping to solutions, he had a simple approach that changed everything.
"Jeanette," he'd say calmly, interrupting my spiral, "I hear that you're worried. Now tell me: what can you do about it?"
That question would stop me in my tracks. It wasn't dismissive of my feelings, but it gently redirected my attention from the whirlpool of anxiety toward the shore of possibility. It taught me that even when we can't control circumstances, we can always choose how we respond.
The Search for External Validation Instead of Internal Wisdom
When we're caught in anxiety's grip, it's debilitating how we instinctively look everywhere but within, isn't it? We've all been there, haven't we? When anxiety takes over, we tend to:
Scroll mindlessly through social media for ages (you know what I'm talking about!), somehow convinced that the perfect answer is just one more swipe away
Reach out to friends for their "opinion," but let's be honest—we're really just fishing for someone to agree with what we already think
Share our worries, hoping to hear "Oh, you poor thing, you're absolutely right to be worried" rather than getting a reality check
Turn what could be meaningful conversations into anxiety-validation sessions, where we're not exploring ideas but hunting for quick fixes
And you know what's really ironic? That quiet voice of wisdom we're desperately searching for has been within us all along, patiently waiting for anxiety's noisy chatter to take a break.
The Doorway We're Actually Seeking
What if the light we're searching for isn't found in answers at all, but in better questions? What if meaningful connection – with ourselves and others – is the antidote to anxiety's isolation?
You know what happens when anxiety grabs the wheel? We completely lose touch with:
All that amazing wisdom that bubbles up when we're actually talking with each other, not just at each other
Those "aha moments" that only show up when we quiet our own mental chatter and really hear someone else
That wonderful feeling of "I belong here" that naturally calms our frazzled nerves
The mental clarity that appears like magic when we finally give our worrying mind a break
We cannot be in chaos and clarity at the same time - when anxiety clouds our mind, it obscures our ability to see with precision and purpose.
Reclaiming Your Conversations and Mental Clarity
The early lessons from my dad, combined with neuroscience and hypnotherapy, have evolved into several practices I've found helpful in breaking anxiety's grip, including my AAA approach described below.
They all begin with Power-Pausing: pause, listen, ask, and then ask again. Instead of searching for answers, look for better questions. This practice forms the foundation of my AAA approach (Acknowledge, Accept, Ask) that I'll share shortly, but first, let's explore the key elements of Power-Pausing:
When you catch yourself redirecting conversations toward your anxieties, notice it without self-criticism. This awareness is the first step toward change.
Rather than asking why something isn't working out, ask what you need to figure it out. Instead of seeking confirmation of your worries, try open questions that create space for genuine exchange: "What perspective am I missing here?" or "What would be possible if this worry weren't consuming me?"
In conversation, listen a little longer before jumping in. Ask questions about what the other person is sharing instead of adding your story to relate. The truth is, when we do this, we're not relating—we're disconnecting. Before responding, take a breath. This tiny space helps you choose a response rather than react from anxiety.
Focus on the quality of our interactions rather than constantly trying to fix, solve, or perfect everything. When anxiety isolates us, we often approach conversations defensively, ready to correct or be corrected. But true connection happens when we prioritize understanding over being right, empathy over efficiency, and presence over perfectionism. This shift doesn't just improve our conversations—it helps us escape the lonely prison of anxiety by creating authentic bridges to others. When we connect rather than correct, we allow ourselves to be seen and understood, dismantling the isolation that anxiety thrives on.
AAA method
Acknowledge: First, we name the anxiety without judgment. "I notice I'm feeling anxious about this situation." This simple recognition often reduces its power immediately.
Accept: Instead of fighting against the feeling, we make space for it. "It makes sense I'd feel this way given what's happening." This acceptance doesn't mean resignation—it means we stop wasting energy on resistance.
Ask: Finally, we shift from problem-dwelling to possibility-thinking with powerful questions. "What's one small thing I can do right now? What perspective might I be missing? What would support look like?"
I've found Power-Pausing is essential for any change to be possible, and the AAA approach transforms not just how we handle our own anxiety, but how we show up in conversations.
Instead of seeking validation for our fears, we create space for genuine connection and collaborative problem-solving. Just as my father's question redirected my spinning mind, we can guide ourselves and each other toward constructive action rather than endless worry loops.
Remember, the wisdom you seek often emerges not from finding the right answer, but from creating space for the right questions to arise – both within yourself and in conversation with others.
What conversation might you reclaim from anxiety today?
