IS HUMILITY A SUPERPOWER?

What if humility is the real confidence? 

I remember one of my first bosses in NYC. I could hear him coming all the way down the hall. Not because he was yelling; no, it was because he was stomping. There was a quiet smile on people's faces because he was a much smaller man than most, and yet he made the most noise.

Now, you might think that I’m about to tell you that he was boosting himself up to seem important, but he didn’t have to because he was already the CEO of the company. The interesting thing about this man was that he was a schoolteacher in the past before he ended up as the CEO of a pretty large company.

You might also think that he had a big ego to show that he deserved the position, but he didn’t. What he did have was humility, and he used it with discernment to listen and stay curious, asking more questions of others and letting them do what they knew best. 

Wisdom is to know what we don’t know.

My dad was a great influence on my way of thinking, and when I was younger, being all worried that I didn’t know enough to be taken seriously as a woman in business, he would remind me that the greatest leaders don’t have all the answers, they have the questions that lead to the answer, and they know who to ask. 

You can maybe relate that asking for help is not easy. Especially in our society, which is more and more isolated, and work is more and more competitive in the pursuit of sales goals, winners, and high performers. Many think of resilience as being independent and self-reliant. They think that being the one solving the problems and having the ideas as being successful. We all have a need to feel seen, heard, and rewarded; however, having all the answers makes us feel more isolated. Working in this way, it’s not working, is it? 

“On an individual level, humility has a positive effect on self-awareness. Humble individuals accept that they have blind spots and look for ways to improve. They are open to receiving feedback from others. They avoid the trap of overconfidence, which clouds judgment and decision-making.” 

(from Psychology Today, Dimitrios Tsatiris M.D. February 4th, 2023) 

Humility Intelligence

However, there’s more to it than accepting that we don’t know. We can harness the power of unknowing. 

Think of it this way: we talk about the focus on emotional intelligence, especially as we enter the age of AI. We need to focus on our humanity and humility as the key to success rather than having the answers because AI can do that for us. We can harness our curiosity now and turn how we work and live into a much more exciting place to be.

We can allow our curiosity to be what fuels connection, communication, and collaboration. We have a way to go to do so because we are so hardwired to focus on survival, and fear of change will be much greater than the excitement for what is possible for a while. Yet, the faster we can embrace this change as an opportunity, the faster we can thrive together. 

Part of the humility factor and its super-power is the willingness not to know, be curious, and ask questions. 

Humility works better.

A study from Berkley showed that people with higher intellectual humility were more inclined to:

• Improve the quality of their decisions because people are open to a greater variety of information and perspectives;

• Foster more positive interactions and relationships because people are more open to others’ views, less defensive, and more likely to admit when they are wrong; and

• Promote progress in organizations and society because people higher in intellectual humility are more inclined to consider a broader swath of ideas, negotiate, and compromise.

Can we learn to trust that humility is a superpower because, let’s face it, it’s really uncomfortable and awkward, isn’t it? That’s where confidence comes in. Can you be confident enough to be awkward and uncomfortable? 

We humans tend to rush to answers to avoid the discomfort of not knowing, even when deep inside we know that we might be wrong, leading to mistakes and avoiding asking for help. It can be very, very expensive for a company to foster a culture of knowing instead of a culture of humility, which is not about being walked all over and being submissive; it’s about being curious and willing to learn something new. 

Imagine if we would all pause more. Pause to listen and ask more questions before we rush to share what we know. Could we be curious for a little longer about what else is possible? What could change in the way we work and collaborate? How could we create impact and positive change if we allow uncertainty to keep us curious? How might we cultivate better, more inclusive relationships and, with that, a stronger team culture if we could be more humble instead of all-knowing? 

I hope you will embrace the power of humility. When in doubt, pause and use the CARE framework to work through it.